Loneliness and Mental Health: How to Feel More Connected

Almost everyone feels lonely at some point. It might follow a move to a new city, a breakup, a new baby, retirement, a loss, or simply a stretch of life when friends drift apart. Loneliness is not a flaw or a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a normal human signal, a bit like hunger or thirst, telling us that we need connection. But when it lingers for months, it can weigh on both mental and physical health. The good news is that loneliness is very responsive to small, steady steps.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is the painful feeling that your relationships do not meet your need for connection, in number, in closeness, or both. It is different from being alone. Many people enjoy solitude and feel perfectly content on their own, while others feel deeply lonely in a crowded office or even within a marriage. Researchers often separate two related ideas:

• Loneliness is subjective: how connected you feel.
• Social isolation is objective: how few contacts and relationships you actually have.

The two often overlap, but not always. Both matter for wellbeing, and both can be changed.

How common is it?

Loneliness is far more common than most people assume. In 2023, the US Surgeon General issued an advisory on loneliness and isolation, noting that about half of American adults reported experiencing loneliness. It affects every age group. Young adults report some of the highest rates, and older adults face extra risks from retirement, bereavement, hearing loss and reduced mobility. Knowing how widespread it is can help ease the shame that so often keeps people quiet about it.

How loneliness affects mental health

Loneliness and mental health influence each other in both directions. Persistent loneliness is linked to a higher risk of depression and anxiety, and depression and anxiety can in turn make it harder to reach out, creating a cycle. Common effects include:

• Low mood, hopelessness or a sense of not mattering to anyone
• Heightened alertness to rejection, which can make social situations feel riskier than they are
• Poorer, more broken sleep (see our guide to sleep and mental health)
• Lower motivation and difficulty concentrating
• Increased stress, and sometimes more reliance on alcohol or other substances to cope

Long-term loneliness and isolation have also been associated with physical health problems, including higher risks of heart disease, stroke and dementia, and even earlier death. That is part of why public health experts now treat social connection as a health issue, not just a personal one.

Why loneliness can be hard to shake

When we feel lonely for a long time, the brain tends to become more watchful for social threats. We may read neutral faces as unfriendly, assume people are too busy for us, or remember awkward moments more than good ones. These are understandable protective reactions, but they can lead us to withdraw just when connection would help most. Recognizing this pattern is useful: the thought "nobody wants to hear from me" is often loneliness talking, not the truth.

Practical ways to feel more connected

There is no single fix, and connection usually grows gradually. These evidence-informed steps can help:

• Start small and specific. Send one message today to someone you have lost touch with. A short "I was thinking of you" is enough.
• Favor regular contact over big gestures. A weekly call or a standing coffee date builds closeness more reliably than an occasional long catch-up.
• Join something that repeats. Classes, clubs, faith communities, sports teams, choirs and volunteer groups let familiarity grow naturally, because you see the same people again and again.
• Volunteer. Helping others creates a sense of purpose and gives conversations a natural starting point.
• Notice everyday moments. Brief, friendly exchanges with a neighbor, barista or coworker genuinely add up and can lift mood.
• Use technology to connect, not just scroll. Video calls and group chats can keep relationships alive, while passive scrolling often leaves people feeling worse. Our article on social media and mental health has more tips.
• Be curious about others. Asking questions and listening well takes pressure off you and helps others feel valued, which deepens bonds.
• Look after the basics. Sleep, daylight, movement and regular meals make social energy easier to find. Even a walk outdoors where other people are around can help.

Be kind to yourself along the way

Reaching out can feel vulnerable, and not every attempt will lead to a friendship. That is normal for everyone, not a verdict on you. Try to treat each step as practice rather than a test. It can also help to enjoy time alone in ways that feel restorative, such as reading, cooking, walking or mindfulness, so that solitude feels less like an empty space.

Helping someone who may be lonely

If you suspect a friend, relative or neighbor is lonely, a simple invitation or check-in can mean a great deal. Older adults living alone, new parents, people who are caregiving, and anyone who has recently moved or been bereaved may especially appreciate it. Be patient if they decline at first, and keep the door open. Our guide on supporting a loved one offers more ideas.

When to seek professional help

Consider talking with a doctor, therapist or counselor if loneliness has lasted for weeks or months, if you feel persistently low or anxious, if you have lost interest in things you used to enjoy, or if social situations feel overwhelming. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help with the unhelpful thoughts that keep loneliness going, and treating underlying depression or social anxiety often makes connecting easier. Our guide to choosing a therapist can help you get started.

If you ever feel hopeless or have thoughts of harming yourself, please reach out right away. In the US, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time. You do not have to wait until things are at their worst to ask for support. Connection, including professional connection, is something everyone deserves.

Medical disclaimer: This article is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult a qualified health professional about your situation. See our full disclaimer.